The work of Gods hands: my life, your life

It has been so beautiful outside for the past couple of days. The sky is so clear. The temperature is perfect.

There is a tree in my backyard that is especially caught my eye today. It is a short tree, like all the trees in Texas, but its branches are far reaching and thick with those brand new spring-green leaves. I have never been so impressed by the beauty of a tree. I just had to say, "WOW!" out loud (really loud), even though I was by myself. (Weird I know, but you can't tell me you don't sing loud and talk to yourself in the car when no one is with you.)

"It is a good thing to give thanks unto the LORD, and to sing praises unto thy name, O Most High: To show forth thy loving kindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night, Upon an instrument of ten strings, and upon the psaltery; upon the harp with a solemn sound. For thou, LORD hast made me glad through the work of thy hands. O Lord, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep." -Psalm 92:1-5

There are three things that I am having a really hard time with:
First, I don't understand the direction God is taking my life. It seems disjointed. It is like a puzzle to which I am missing half of the pieces. It doesn't look like anything yet. Second, I don't like my spiritual gift (which I think is mercy). I feel like I have been misusing it... I have a lot of difficulty in discerning when to be merciful and comforting and when to be firm. So my solution to this has been to go from one extreme to the next. One day NO ONE gets away with ANYTHING. Then the next day, I am so sorry for the previous day, I let everything slide. It is incredibly frustrating (to everyone). No one knows what kind of response to expect from me anymore. Thirdly, I am worried about some of my friends and family. I see them going through difficulties and I think I can help. But I don't know if I should say something or if it is none of my business. Even if it was right to help them, I don't know what to do. What I think they need may not be what they need at all, and it might just make things worse. It is like I am watching someone, from the side, scaling a mountain without a safety rope or anything. I know nothing about that kind of climbing, so as they struggle to keep their life and limbs, I see sweat drip from their chin and I yell, " You want a popsicle!" (or something totally random like that).

I was praying about all of this while walking back from my run. God really impressed me with the beauty of the fields, birds and bugs (butterflies) that I was walking past. Everything was so nice, but when I saw the beautiful tree in the backyard that was it. It just took my breath away, and at that time God reminded me of the verses that I wrote above (see above). :-) The tree and all of the beautiful nature around me is the work of His hands. I couldn't add one thing to make it more beautiful or to improve on it in any small way. It was perfect. Then He reminded me that I too am the work of His hands. He is leading my life in the direction He wants it to go. He gave me the gifts He knew would be best. And not only does He know exactly what He is doing with me but He knows exactly what He is doing with everyone else too. We are all the work of His hands.

My lesson today was to praise God even when I have no clue what He is doing. He showed me that regardless of how everything looks to me (good or bad) I need to be praising all the works of His hands. Though I still don't know what God is doing in my life or in the lives of other very dear people, I do know that it is always worthy of praise. And like the Psalm says, it is a good thing. :-)

I am Learning in Whatsoever STATE I am in Therewith to Be Content

Contentment. I have been the model of anything but contentment for the past... well never mind how long. I am surprised every day at the way things have turned out (or not turned out) for my family and me.

Still yet, we have no word on the move. Is it coming? Is it not? God, will You not let me plan? Will you not give me a heads up? For what should I prepare? How can I be ready? When will I know for sure?

And it isn't just the move. There are so many uncertainties right now. I have no idea how God is going to take me from where I am, and make me the most perfect and successful Christian woman ever. I just don't see how it is going to work, anymore.

But whenever I draw breath between the thousands of "future" questions I am asking God every day, He says "If everything really did go completely 'wrong' with this move and your future in general would you still trust me?" He is saying that my life isn't about getting from point A to point B, nor is it about realizing my dreams and becoming a successful woman of God. My life is about realizing the dreams of my God and embracing them. Life is actually supposed to be all about Him. Who knew?!

Truly, Ruth (from the Bible) was a very virtuous woman from whom I could use some lessons. I think that she not only understood contentment but she put it to practiced. She recognized that life was about the Living God and not about her. I know in my head that life is not about me and my pleasure/dreams, but in my heart there is no proof of this knowledge. Ruth was willing to be apart of His plan even if that didn't include good things for her. I want this attitude too. One of "OK, God, lead on because not only am I going to follow, but I am going to rejoice in the fact that I am following YOU!" I think that was Ruth's attitude. Don't you?

Paul, or whoever wrote Hebrews (13:5) wrote, "Let your conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. " According to the Scripture, contentment doesn't come from pleasant or good circumstances, and it doesn't come from bad or harsh circumstances. Contentment comes from enjoying the fact that Christ is with me and will not leave.

*I had to laugh when I came across the verse: Philippians 4:11 "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever STATE I am, [therewith] to be content." He must have been thinking of me when He wrote this. That is pretty good isn't it?

Love's Simplicity... or not.

Love is the most pleasant experience, in this life, and it is one of the only things that will count in eternity. Whether you have been loved by someone or have the good fortune of loving someone you have to agree that it is truly wonderful. I know of no other feeling like it. I know of nothing for which I would trade it.

The most beautiful love story of all time is the story of Christ. Novelists have tried to write one so beautiful and have come as close as possible with human characters and minds. But Christ's selfless life and selfless death, even in the face of complete rejection by those He loved, is such an astounding story that it is hard for us to imagine a better.

Did you know that Christ actually died of a broken heart? He did. A heart doctor said that it is the only way water and blood could have poured from His wound. The Psalms prophesied that He would die of a broken heart. Ps. 22:14 "I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. " Can you imagine actually dying of a broken heart? It wasn't the cross that killed our lover, it was our rejection of His love. Can you imagine the pain of a bursting heart?

So, is it impossible to love like this? Is it possible to love so freely, fully and selflessly as to be in danger of a (physically)broken heart? The Bible says, (1 John 4:7) "Love is of God... for God is love". Does this mean that everyone, that knows God, loves? It didn't say that, but at least I know it is possible to truly love. True love is possible for someone who knows God.

I am praying for Christ-like love and it scares me. Because Christ-like love means a love full of truth, full of faith, and is completely selfless. Christ was persecuted and hated. No one at the time took pleasure in His love or even recognized it as love. Even as he died the ones who loved him most forsook him, and is this the life I want? No. How could I? Like most, I want to love and be loved in return. I want to be delighted in and cared for even as I delight in and care for someone else. Seems pure enough, right? It is also known as a 50/50 deal. I will do to you what I want you to do to me. But if you ever love me less I will love you less in return. This is the worlds love and it cannot endure.

The lasting love of Christ must be unconditional. It is a love that will never fail because it does not depend on circumstances, it doesn't depend on another persons feelings or actions. It is His character, not His mood or His response. So this kind of love can also be my character. Love, for me, must no longer be a mood or a response. Wow. Let it be, Lord, in my life let this be!

His Plan; His Time

Today, I heard a missionary from Brazil speak. At first I wasn't too impressed with him (he didn't have a very neat DVD presentation at the beginning), but when he got up to preach I was amazed at his faith and the message God gave him for me.

Luke 19:10 "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. "

In the beginning of the sermon he reminded us of the great sacrifice that Christ paid for us. Christ gave up all His heavenly glory and became a poor man. He, the only precious Son of God, lived among us and with us, only to die taking on all of the sin of the world. He spared nothing for us... for me, but laid His life down to redeem me and make me a child of God.

The pastor went on to explain the meaning of redemption. It means to be rescued permanently from a certain place or punishment, to be completely made acceptable when before one was unacceptable.

The missionary then asked, "Why do you continue to make your own plans, telling God what things He can and cannot touch? Why do you tell God that now is not the time, and you can't obey today? Christ kept nothing back from you; you have no right to keep any dream, any time, any part of your life back from Him who saved you from eternal damnation. And why do we constantly believe the lie and think that Christ lived and died to redeem us, that he left glory and came to complete rejection so that when we give our lives to Him he can drag us through the muck of the earth? He did all this so that He could make us miserable? Why do we think God's plans and God's timing is a bad thing? Isn't He the one who before the world began, planned a wonderful redemption, and hasn't He already planned a wonderful eternal life? Why can't we trust His timing in His plans for our lives."

Right here, I started to cry (I've been a bit emotional lately), because this is so true in my life. I hold certain things out of God's reach (supposedly); certain things He may not touch. Certain things I have carefully planned and I am not willing for God to revise my plans, let alone replace them. I think that my plans are more likely to make me happy and be good for me than His. I have believed the lie. But the Bible says that life without God leads to death. It also says that His thoughts are higher than mine, so wouldn't His plans be? This is what the Bible says about God's plans for my future, this is the truth:

Ps. 84:11 "For the LORD God [is] a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good [thing] will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. "

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

John 10:10 "... I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly. "

Christ said that he came to give us life and to give us life more and greater than what we think we can have. However, every time I chose my own way over His it is adding to the wood and stubble that will burn on judgement day. Only where I fit into His (good) plans and His will, will remain that day.

Do I have dreams? Yes. Are they all God's will? We have to see, but praise God, He has good dreams for me and I can trust Him with my most precious dream. He has redeemed me, not to give me the short end of the stick, but to give me life abundantly. Thank you, Lord, for this day.

Jude 1:24-25 " Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present [you] faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, [be] glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen."

Bad Dreams

I don't know how many people out there are afraid of the dark, or afraid of bad dreams, but I am pretty sure you weren't as bad as I was. As little girl, and even as a big girl I was terrified of being alone in the dark, or being awake in the dark. It wasn't until later that the fears of darkness carried over into fears of bad dreams as well. At one point in my life I was dreading night time so bad that I would stay up as long as possible and then would wake up at four or five in the morning (this is when I was 10 or 11). I would turn on all the major lights in the house, even extra lamps to take out those creepy shadows. Then I would sit upright in a chair and wait for everyone else in my house to wake up. It was pretty pitiful.
The night before last I had another bad dream. In my dream I aided some people who were sinning. I knew they were doing things that offended God and didn't stop them. My apathy and selfishness was huge, and when I finally woke up I felt so guilty. I didn't know what to do with the guilt. At first I tried to just shake it off, I thought it was just a dream. Shaking it off didn't turn out to be an option. The dream haunted me or taunted me all day. I had to deal with this.
The Bible says that men look on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart. It says that our iniquities are not hid from Him but they are open and before His face. King David, the man who wrote most of the Psalms, asked God to show him his secret faults. He understood that there were sins in his life, blind-spots, that he couldn't see. I think this apathy in my dream is, though seemingly on a lesser scale, a sin in my heart. I find it very difficult to confront people when they are doing something that is wrong. My fears have been so great that some people feel comfortable committing sin in front of me... and still I say nothing. This emboldens the enemy, and this helps my friends feel better about the sin they are committing.
The next day I brought this before the Lord and asked him for forgiveness for this dream, and for my sin of apathy in real life. I asked Him to forgive me and deliver me from this apathy towards sin. He did. He showed me that I needed to purify my mind with His Word. King David said, (Ps. 119) "Wherewith all shall a young man cleanse his way, by taking heed thereto according to thy word. With my whole heart have I sought Thee, O, let me not wonder from thy commandments. Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee." Also, I need to stand bold for Christ, against sin in my own life as well as in the lives of my friends. If God isn't okay with it, I can't be either.
You know the great thing is that in Christ, even bad dreams have good endings. Even though I have bad dreams the Lord teaches me so much the next day. Just goes to show you that a Soldier of Christ is never off duty. :-)

Greater is He

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

I am having trouble writing tonight. I feel like the dam has broken on me and my family. We are as busy physically and spiritually as we have ever been. We are excited that God is on our side and will fight for us and give us strength.

It is wonderful to know that I serve a big God who loves me. It is wonderful to know that no difficulty or hardship is too big for Him. There is nothing going on that He does not know about, care about, and will use to bring me closer to Him and to bring glory to His worthy name. That is pretty much all I can write tonight. God's graciousness deserves a blog post or two. Thank you God for your power and strength.

I shall not die, but live... (Ps. 118:17)

God has been teaching me so many things lately. I feel like I am drinking out of a fire hydrant and every now and then turned upside down and shaken so I don't drown. :-) Last night I was reading Psalm 118, and this verse, "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD" really stuck out to me. God is so faithful to let me live and continue learning. Not only am I going to make it through everything alive but as I am going through it and when it is over I will declare the works of the LORD.

So what is the lesson for today? Keep good records of your finances at all times. Know that money isn't about money... it is about your heart. My lesson for today was about money... I mean it was about my heart. :-)

Today I discovered that I had made a costly financial mistake. This morning, before I knew about my mistakes, I was reading in Mark about money. As I was reading, "I thought what does this have to do with me?" Jesus said that it was easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven. I thought, "Wow, that is harsh".

Compared to a lot of people I am very wealthy. I am never hungry (without choosing to be), have a nice bed to sleep in and have tons of shoes to wear. So obviously this passage was referring to me (the rich). Also I knew that I have trouble trusting God instead of things in the world so I re-read the passage.

He says (10:24), "Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!" Then I saw, "Wow! That is me". I trust in things, people, education and a bunch of other things before God. He knows this and slowly and surely He is freeing me from trusting these things. One by one, these things are failing and one by one He is proving faithful. I don't know if this post is TMI or not, but anyway if anyone else out there is going through the same thing you can know you aren't alone. I know that God will be faithful. Help me Lord to trust you more because of these difficulties and not less.