God has been gracious to me.

"Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! " -Ps. 107:8 and 15 and 21 AND 31 ;-)

Dear Friends,

I don't have anything great to say on my 21st birthday (lol. as if I ever do). I have tried a million times to write a million new posts and nothing decent ever comes of those posts. There are too many lessons and too many different things going on around here, and I just cannot collect it all into one post. I am sorry but this will have to do, okay? :-) Here is what is going on:

I miss my friends. I miss my family (Charity, Justin, Courtney and Dan, etc.). I miss my church. I am having a really hard time focusing on school. I feel a little displaced and yet perfectly placed in that displacement... as if I am gonna be here a while. :-) Its pretty awkward, just so you know. :-)

But just when I am about to cry, because I miss the old things and people so much, and just when I think I have had enough or too much, God reminds me of the cross. Jesus died there. He gave up His house, His friends, His family, all good and great pursuits, and professions, and all "success", pleasure and finally His life. His sacrifice spared me. At this point I am usually sobbing, but not because I want those things so much anymore but because I have been so ungrateful. It is heartbreaking that it is so easy to forget the Treasure of heaven that was poured out for me, and all I can think about is "home".

There is a song by Twila Paris called, Beautiful, and one line says, "How beautiful, when humble hearts give the fruit of pure lives so that others may live. How beautiful..." Christ did that. He GREATLY humbled Himself and gave the fruit of a pure life so that I could live. I am a servant of God, and a recipiant of His extravagant grace/mercy. I have to humble myself and live a pure life, glorifying the Father just as the Son did.

God is really changing my heart, and I am so glad. I don't want to regret the way I clung to earthly things when I get to heaven. I don't want to be sorry for the things I pursued with my (youth and strength) life here on earth. So I hope He continues to change me and correct me where I am proud and demanding/ungrateful towards Him. YUCK!

This has been one of my happiest birthdays, because God's works have been wonderful in my life. They are not what I expected or even what I thought I wanted but they are wonderful and good (by His definition :-)). And even though I just finished saying how much I miss the old things, God has blessed me so much here. He has brought Christian fellowship, and jobs, and things to do, and I have schools, classes, and books coming out my ears. So praise God for year 20. Praise Him for all He has given and for all He has taken away. I am really looking forward to year 21.