Love's Simplicity... or not.

Love is the most pleasant experience, in this life, and it is one of the only things that will count in eternity. Whether you have been loved by someone or have the good fortune of loving someone you have to agree that it is truly wonderful. I know of no other feeling like it. I know of nothing for which I would trade it.

The most beautiful love story of all time is the story of Christ. Novelists have tried to write one so beautiful and have come as close as possible with human characters and minds. But Christ's selfless life and selfless death, even in the face of complete rejection by those He loved, is such an astounding story that it is hard for us to imagine a better.

Did you know that Christ actually died of a broken heart? He did. A heart doctor said that it is the only way water and blood could have poured from His wound. The Psalms prophesied that He would die of a broken heart. Ps. 22:14 "I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. " Can you imagine actually dying of a broken heart? It wasn't the cross that killed our lover, it was our rejection of His love. Can you imagine the pain of a bursting heart?

So, is it impossible to love like this? Is it possible to love so freely, fully and selflessly as to be in danger of a (physically)broken heart? The Bible says, (1 John 4:7) "Love is of God... for God is love". Does this mean that everyone, that knows God, loves? It didn't say that, but at least I know it is possible to truly love. True love is possible for someone who knows God.

I am praying for Christ-like love and it scares me. Because Christ-like love means a love full of truth, full of faith, and is completely selfless. Christ was persecuted and hated. No one at the time took pleasure in His love or even recognized it as love. Even as he died the ones who loved him most forsook him, and is this the life I want? No. How could I? Like most, I want to love and be loved in return. I want to be delighted in and cared for even as I delight in and care for someone else. Seems pure enough, right? It is also known as a 50/50 deal. I will do to you what I want you to do to me. But if you ever love me less I will love you less in return. This is the worlds love and it cannot endure.

The lasting love of Christ must be unconditional. It is a love that will never fail because it does not depend on circumstances, it doesn't depend on another persons feelings or actions. It is His character, not His mood or His response. So this kind of love can also be my character. Love, for me, must no longer be a mood or a response. Wow. Let it be, Lord, in my life let this be!

His Plan; His Time

Today, I heard a missionary from Brazil speak. At first I wasn't too impressed with him (he didn't have a very neat DVD presentation at the beginning), but when he got up to preach I was amazed at his faith and the message God gave him for me.

Luke 19:10 "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. "

In the beginning of the sermon he reminded us of the great sacrifice that Christ paid for us. Christ gave up all His heavenly glory and became a poor man. He, the only precious Son of God, lived among us and with us, only to die taking on all of the sin of the world. He spared nothing for us... for me, but laid His life down to redeem me and make me a child of God.

The pastor went on to explain the meaning of redemption. It means to be rescued permanently from a certain place or punishment, to be completely made acceptable when before one was unacceptable.

The missionary then asked, "Why do you continue to make your own plans, telling God what things He can and cannot touch? Why do you tell God that now is not the time, and you can't obey today? Christ kept nothing back from you; you have no right to keep any dream, any time, any part of your life back from Him who saved you from eternal damnation. And why do we constantly believe the lie and think that Christ lived and died to redeem us, that he left glory and came to complete rejection so that when we give our lives to Him he can drag us through the muck of the earth? He did all this so that He could make us miserable? Why do we think God's plans and God's timing is a bad thing? Isn't He the one who before the world began, planned a wonderful redemption, and hasn't He already planned a wonderful eternal life? Why can't we trust His timing in His plans for our lives."

Right here, I started to cry (I've been a bit emotional lately), because this is so true in my life. I hold certain things out of God's reach (supposedly); certain things He may not touch. Certain things I have carefully planned and I am not willing for God to revise my plans, let alone replace them. I think that my plans are more likely to make me happy and be good for me than His. I have believed the lie. But the Bible says that life without God leads to death. It also says that His thoughts are higher than mine, so wouldn't His plans be? This is what the Bible says about God's plans for my future, this is the truth:

Ps. 84:11 "For the LORD God [is] a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good [thing] will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. "

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

John 10:10 "... I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly. "

Christ said that he came to give us life and to give us life more and greater than what we think we can have. However, every time I chose my own way over His it is adding to the wood and stubble that will burn on judgement day. Only where I fit into His (good) plans and His will, will remain that day.

Do I have dreams? Yes. Are they all God's will? We have to see, but praise God, He has good dreams for me and I can trust Him with my most precious dream. He has redeemed me, not to give me the short end of the stick, but to give me life abundantly. Thank you, Lord, for this day.

Jude 1:24-25 " Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present [you] faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, [be] glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen."

Bad Dreams

I don't know how many people out there are afraid of the dark, or afraid of bad dreams, but I am pretty sure you weren't as bad as I was. As little girl, and even as a big girl I was terrified of being alone in the dark, or being awake in the dark. It wasn't until later that the fears of darkness carried over into fears of bad dreams as well. At one point in my life I was dreading night time so bad that I would stay up as long as possible and then would wake up at four or five in the morning (this is when I was 10 or 11). I would turn on all the major lights in the house, even extra lamps to take out those creepy shadows. Then I would sit upright in a chair and wait for everyone else in my house to wake up. It was pretty pitiful.
The night before last I had another bad dream. In my dream I aided some people who were sinning. I knew they were doing things that offended God and didn't stop them. My apathy and selfishness was huge, and when I finally woke up I felt so guilty. I didn't know what to do with the guilt. At first I tried to just shake it off, I thought it was just a dream. Shaking it off didn't turn out to be an option. The dream haunted me or taunted me all day. I had to deal with this.
The Bible says that men look on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart. It says that our iniquities are not hid from Him but they are open and before His face. King David, the man who wrote most of the Psalms, asked God to show him his secret faults. He understood that there were sins in his life, blind-spots, that he couldn't see. I think this apathy in my dream is, though seemingly on a lesser scale, a sin in my heart. I find it very difficult to confront people when they are doing something that is wrong. My fears have been so great that some people feel comfortable committing sin in front of me... and still I say nothing. This emboldens the enemy, and this helps my friends feel better about the sin they are committing.
The next day I brought this before the Lord and asked him for forgiveness for this dream, and for my sin of apathy in real life. I asked Him to forgive me and deliver me from this apathy towards sin. He did. He showed me that I needed to purify my mind with His Word. King David said, (Ps. 119) "Wherewith all shall a young man cleanse his way, by taking heed thereto according to thy word. With my whole heart have I sought Thee, O, let me not wonder from thy commandments. Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee." Also, I need to stand bold for Christ, against sin in my own life as well as in the lives of my friends. If God isn't okay with it, I can't be either.
You know the great thing is that in Christ, even bad dreams have good endings. Even though I have bad dreams the Lord teaches me so much the next day. Just goes to show you that a Soldier of Christ is never off duty. :-)

Greater is He

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

I am having trouble writing tonight. I feel like the dam has broken on me and my family. We are as busy physically and spiritually as we have ever been. We are excited that God is on our side and will fight for us and give us strength.

It is wonderful to know that I serve a big God who loves me. It is wonderful to know that no difficulty or hardship is too big for Him. There is nothing going on that He does not know about, care about, and will use to bring me closer to Him and to bring glory to His worthy name. That is pretty much all I can write tonight. God's graciousness deserves a blog post or two. Thank you God for your power and strength.

I shall not die, but live... (Ps. 118:17)

God has been teaching me so many things lately. I feel like I am drinking out of a fire hydrant and every now and then turned upside down and shaken so I don't drown. :-) Last night I was reading Psalm 118, and this verse, "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD" really stuck out to me. God is so faithful to let me live and continue learning. Not only am I going to make it through everything alive but as I am going through it and when it is over I will declare the works of the LORD.

So what is the lesson for today? Keep good records of your finances at all times. Know that money isn't about money... it is about your heart. My lesson for today was about money... I mean it was about my heart. :-)

Today I discovered that I had made a costly financial mistake. This morning, before I knew about my mistakes, I was reading in Mark about money. As I was reading, "I thought what does this have to do with me?" Jesus said that it was easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven. I thought, "Wow, that is harsh".

Compared to a lot of people I am very wealthy. I am never hungry (without choosing to be), have a nice bed to sleep in and have tons of shoes to wear. So obviously this passage was referring to me (the rich). Also I knew that I have trouble trusting God instead of things in the world so I re-read the passage.

He says (10:24), "Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!" Then I saw, "Wow! That is me". I trust in things, people, education and a bunch of other things before God. He knows this and slowly and surely He is freeing me from trusting these things. One by one, these things are failing and one by one He is proving faithful. I don't know if this post is TMI or not, but anyway if anyone else out there is going through the same thing you can know you aren't alone. I know that God will be faithful. Help me Lord to trust you more because of these difficulties and not less.

"Great Things He Hath Done"

The other day I was driving along a new road trying to find a Goodwill. As I was driving I turned a corner and a police man stepped out onto the road and directed me into what looked like a subdivision. I saw on the same street several cars all lined up along with several police men. I thought that there must have been an accident and this police man was sending me on a detour or something, but as I was slowly driving away trying to figure out how to be on my way I saw in my mirror the police man waving his arms at me and pointing at the side of the road. I was shocked I hadn't looked at my speedometer for about half a minute but there was no way I was speeding.

He came up to me and asked for my license and proof of insurance. As I handed it to him I asked what the matter was, and why he stopped me. He didn't answer me so I asked again. He said "I clocked you going 33 mph in a 20 mph School Zone". I was shocked.

I saw the flashing school zone sign and it said 35 mph and slowed down accordingly and began to look for where this zone ended. I told the police this. I couldn't believe that he pulled me over, there must have been a mistake. He calmly stated that the 35mph school zone was just before this one and that he would be right back with my ticket. There were three other people in the car with me at the time and none of them saw the 20 sign either. I couldn't believe this.

Well, I got the ticket and I was so upset. Money has never been a big deal to me until really recently, because I want to get my school done so bad and I have had a ton of surprises this semester. So I got very angry and upset about this ticket. I even cursed the cop, not to his face but to God saying that I wish he wouldn't get any sleep that night (that was the worst thing I could think of at the moment). I cried and yelled about the oppression of the government and how a poor college student could never get ahead. It was such a strange thing that I got the ticket, because I was sure that I was obeying the law. I knew there must be a spiritual lesson God wanted to teach me through this.

At the time I couldn't handle it. I was so angry at God for allowing this kind of lesson at this time in my life. Then when He calmed my heart, and helped me bless the cop (to make up for the curse: many nights of peaceful sleep). God began to show me the lessson. Mark Cahill says "Money problems are never about the money, they are about the heart", and he is right.

Through that ticket, Jesus was reminding me how many people go through life thinking that they are doing everything that they should. They don't know that they have broken God's law, they don't know that a very real punishment is in store for them. They zip along, obeying that 35 mph sign unconscious of the 20 mph sign they will be punished for.

Most of us don't lie a lot on purpose. We try not too. Most of us try to honor our parents and try to keep God first in our lives. We try not to covet or lust. We try to forgive almost everyone who offends us. But we don't realize that this is not the standard. So many people are cruising along going 35 in a 20mph zone. Does that make sense?

First, God showed me how blessed I am to know about His perfect law, and to know about what is coming. Then He showed me more blessed I was to have my deserved ticket, for not obeying His law perfectly, paid in full by Jesus Christ. Lastly, He gave me with this ticket a vivid picture/real life experience that will encourage me to tell others about His law and His grace, for months while I am trying to pay it off. :-)

I still wish that the police man had given me mercy, after all, I had never driven on that road before, there were tons of other people being ticketed at the same time as I was (they didn't see any sign either), I was abiding by what I thought was the speed limit, and lastly I am just a poor college student, who doesn't have a job right now. But just as these excuses didn't stand with this cop they cannot stand with God. This cop still had to give me that ticket. The eternal ticket must be paid too. I will not forget this lesson for a long time, I pray it will help kindle the fire in me to tell everyone about Jesus.

When to Leave

There is nothing like a brother and sister relationship. They are your best friends, they are your comrades, they have been through everything with you. You can trust them. It is a bond so tight that you don't think it is possible to break. So in loving them it feels like loving yourself. They are the ones I could not abandon. I could not let them down. I think that this is right, after God family is important. But the question is was I loving them after God or before Him?



Over the past few weeks God has opened my eyes to something completely new. He has rocked my world and I am not sure what to do with the pieces. I am completely wrong and have been for as long as I can remember. This is one of those posts where you guys are going to think less of me. :-) But it is true and if telling my story will keep you from having to learn the way I did, I welcome those lesser thoughts.




When someone asked Jesus what the greatest commandment is He replied, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind... And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." I now see that all my life and particularly during the last two years I have "loved" my family before God.




As some of my siblings are moving on, beginning new families and doing new things, I realized that they weren't thinking about what I wanted them to do. They were thinking about their responsibility to God. They wanted to do what is right and to do what He is calling them to do. They were focused on Him, and not on me or anyone else.





I realized this driving home, just the other night, from visiting one of my brothers. I cried and was very upset because I felt betrayed, and I couldn't figure out why. I always knew everyone would go their own way. I always knew this was coming. I knew they would leave but I didn't think they would leave me. I was angry, because I thought it was part of an understood plan that we would all do what was best for everyone else. I thought we were all going to do whatever kept us together, whatever kept us close. They weren't keeping their end of this bargain. They were choosing to answer to God and not to me. It was the end of my little world and oh, thank you LORD that it wasn't any later. This little world needed to die. If only it had been earlier...





The Bible says that if any man is not willing to leave their family to do what God has asked them to do they are not worthy of Him (Matthew 10:37-39). Though we were brought up by our parents and by our siblings they are not all that God has called us to. He has called us to Himself alone, and to be servants and lovers of everyone. We are called to have our own families, and follow God in our new families. We are called to new jobs (sometimes far away). We are called to new activities, we are called to share our faith and glorify God in everything we put our hands to. This is putting God first, this is answering to Him.





Our allegiance to God is greater than our allegiance to anyone else, even our dearest brother or sister. And pleasing Him may involve giving up the comfort of my home, my family, my life. I had everything planned out, everything was going to be OK, but I didn't consider "the guys" commitment to God's will for their lives. I didn't consider that if I didn't leave my family there was no guarantee that they wouldn't leave me. I realize now, thank God, how stupid I have been! How wrong I have been in trying to make other people happy and letting God come second if He comes at all.





I have done so wrong in my idolatry of my family and in my idolatry of people in general. I have rejected the way that God wanted to do things, I have run roughshod over His people. There have been several people in my life who tried to tell me this before and I didn't listen. I am sorry. I am sorry for holding myself and for wishing I could hold others back from what is right to do and good to do, just for my own personal comfort and to keep myself from being uncomfortable. In the beginning of this post I said loving ones brothers and sisters is like loving ones self. It is if you are doing it wrong. Loving people like God calls us to is like loving God. It is knowing that He loves them and has a specific plan for them. It is sending them on their way and going your way when it is right to do so.





And now that my sin is out of the way, I must say that I am so proud of my brothers and sisters for doing right and not asking for any mans approval, but looking to God alone for that approval.


Jesus said, (Mark 3:34-35) "Who is my mother, or my brethren? And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother and my sister, and mother." When I can give up my family to do Gods will I will find that I didn't give up my family at all but joined the family of God. Oh, Lord, empower me to do this.

Wild at Heart

Have read the books Captivating and Wild at Heart, by Staci and John Eldridge. They are well written, easy to read, and over all life changing. Don't be fooled by the warm inviting pictures on the cover. These books are challenging, and convicting!

God showed me that I have been treating the men in my life like they are women. I have been trying to correct them, control them, and eventually mold them into more feminine characters. I have been extremely frustrated with my inability to get the results I desired (Praise God!). What a wicked thing to despise a manly heart! God made men to desire adventure, to take chances and risks, to venture out, to be different from women. Almost in every relationship I have had with a man (brother, father, friend) I have despised, in my heart, their masculinity. Sure I say I like manly men, but when it comes down to it I desire to be able to control when their masculinity shows. This is so true about me... I so wish it wasn't but it is. God forgive me and may the men in my life forgive me too.

Reality. :-)

So todays post is about reality. The reality that I am tired, physically, mentally, and spiritually. The reality that I have Satan on everyside accusing, condemning, and decieving me. The reality that I have many troubles and am REALLY in trouble if God will not help me. The reality that Christ said He would always be with me even to the end of the world. The reality that He, for sure, will not leave. The reality that I will always have Him and He will always want me (it makes everyday a miracle). Yay!

I hope you get a nap today! Happy Sunday!

The Challenge

Last night someone challenged me to do every thing today just for Jesus. She knows that people pleasing is a huge temptation for me. She challenged me to do everything even down to brushing my teeth and exercising, just for Him. I have a lot to do today, but I am going to try to take on this challenge. I know I need Christ to be my focus. But it reminds me of what Jesus said to the disciples when they were constantly falling asleep instead of praying, (Matt. 26:41) "...the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak." Like... really weak.


My friend told me that sanctification is like salvation. It isn't something I do, it is a gift that comes from God. I was like "Oh right! and all this time I have been trying to squeeze it out of myself! What a relief!"



I am excited because God is real and alive! I am excited because I see that in continuing hard after my relationship with Him, He will be able to change me little by little. If He is my goal, and my complete focus then I will be as easy to mold as wet clay. I can't wait for those strong loving, Fatherly hands continue their work on this lump. There is so much for Him to do. :-)



In Matthew, whenever Jesus asked the Pharisee's, they never could answer the way they wanted to because they were so afraid of what the people would think of them. And in this way it kept them from knowing their error which kept them from knowing Christ for who He was. I don't want to be like that anymore, and I don't have to be. Praise God!



Knowing that my flesh and naturally doesn't want to do what God wants it to, I also know that I have a great Savior who wants to work with it. I can be happy, even though I have so much that needs to be changed, He isn't going to leave me, He is going to work with me until I am finished (Phil. 1:6). Until then I will not be perfect and don't have to pretend to be. I can tell people what I am thinking and God can use them to correct me.



Already people have corrected me:

- They have corrected me for pride (oh yes, ouch! This was so painful, but I so needed to hear it.)

- They have corrected me for laziness, and ill pursuit of interests. (productivity low level light is on, big time.)

- and for Double mindedness (God help me! This is so true of me. Please, can this be something you can make a strength, Lord? :-))



I am sure I will get a chance to write about these things later. Thanks for reading!

In Giving Thanks

I woke up this morning feeling wonderful. And it was amazing because really yesterday was a pretty bad day. And really this whole past three months have been pretty bad. With so much going on these days it is easy to get discouraged, and depressed. The politics, economy, jobs (money), churches, relationships, family, etc,... Can you relate?

Depression seems to be one of Satan's favorite devises to disable me, a child of God. Satan probably sees it as a slap in Gods face. But yesterday I saw in my own life how dangerous depression can be. Depression blinded me from seeing (and therefore assisting) others right under my nose, who desperately needed encouragement. It blinded me from all the blessings God has poured out into my life. It stole all the joy in my relationship with God and replaced it with bitterness.

A few times I have come to the point in total depression that I can't think of anything for which to thank God. I know, I know isn't it terrible! What kind of a Christian cannot think of something for which to thank God? Hello, Grace, LIFE. Hello, ETERNAL SALVATION! I obviously was NOT thinking.

During my last semester in school, my math professor found himself in such blind depression to the point that he no longer saw his life as a blessing. He took his own life one night after class. All of his students, though we didn't know him well, were very sad for him. I was grieved that I didn't share the gospel (joy) with him before he decided to do this. And Satan, who hates men, and hates our lives wants depression to drive you and me to the same point as my professor. The ultimate goal of all Satan's devices including depression is death. That is scary.

I have a very dear friend from Nigeria, who has the most joyful, thankful spirit I have ever known. She is the one who introduced me to real African music (beautiful, happy music). :-) It astounds me the way that she can be so cheerful in the midst of difficult situations. She works so hard at school and work that many nights she doesn't get to sleep. I know that she must have at least as many money difficulties as I do and yet I have never heard her complain even once. Also she is very far from her family and isn't even sure when she will see them again... Yet her joyful faith in God's goodness toward her is unshakable. She never seems to be affected by depression or blindness to the gifts God has given her. She has a beautiful trusting relationship with God.

In the Old Testament when the Israelites were setting up the temple they had a whole group of people whose only job was to praise and thank God. That didn't sound like a full time job to me. But apparently it was. In the Psalms (100:4) it says,"Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, [and] into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, [and] bless his name. " The Israelites took thanking God very seriously.

Sometimes I have been so ungrateful and depressed in my heart that it took losing some of those blessings before I knew they were blessings. I think everyone at one time or another knows what it feels like to be in a nice warm shower and all the sudden it turns freezing cold. My first thought is "Umm,...COLD!" Then the shivers come and I think for half a second about waiting it out like a trooper. But as my breathing becomes more rapid and the water more chilling I pop like popcorn out of that shower and start begging people from the door to turn off the hot water. As soon as the heat comes back on I begin to thank God for everything from warm showers and towels to toenail clippers and a toothbrush. All of the sudden I can magically remember all the blessings I have been taking for granted every day, and things no longer seem so dismal.

It wasn't until I realized by the slow disappearance of security, money, school, clothing, books, friends, family, church, etc., how blessed I am. There is one huge blessing (salvation through the blood of Christ, and a real relationship with God Himself) and innumerable little things that I was forgetting/ignoring/walking by each day. Obviously the only way God could get my attention was by taking some of those bigger blessings out of the picture for a while so that I could see the others. I hope that tomorrow when I am tempted to feel depressed I will remember this: That when things are being taken away and they seem to be falling completely apart it is time to look more closely at my life and start saying "Thank you, God". Also I hope to remember to be merciful to everyone in my life who is going through depression. Because there are people who are depressed due to illness (chemical or hormonal imbalance), or particularly difficult times (deaths in the family, ill treatment). If you have been there you know how they feel, and they need lots of hugs (if they are touchy person), kind words (if they are not), special attention and prayer. I want to be one of the people they thank God for when they are feeling better. Yup! I hope I remember these things.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 " In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Psalm 33:1 "Rejoice in the Lord, O ye righteous..."

In NOT Knowing What the Future Holds

There is a story in the book, "In My Fathers House", by Corrie Ten Boom, about how gracious God is for not letting us see the future as He does. I hope I tell it right, if I don't please let me know. But I think Corrie Ten Boon, as a ten year old, asked her Father one of those questions that parents dread, and never know how to answer. She and her Father were at the time walking to the bus station, and her Father asked her to carry his case (not sure if it was a box or his briefcase) onto the bus. Corrie answered "You know I can't carry it, Dad, it is way to heavy for me". Her Father replied that he knew it was too heavy for her. He explained that God gave Fathers special wisdom to know what is too heavy for their children to bear. He told her that she could trust him to tell her as soon as he knew she could bear it.

Today, I remembered that story. I wish so much that I knew the future. I think it would be wonderful to have a vision or hear from God what exactly will happen in my future, in the future of my family, in the future of my friends. It might be a little scary but after it was over it would be GREAT! But God, my Father, knows that it is too heavy for me.

I have to walk day by day, hour by hour, not knowing what is next but trusting my Father to let me know as I am able to bear it, and to give me the strength for the next moment. In Matthew 6:34, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof." These were Jesus' own words to me/us.

Sometimes that is so frustrating, but there it is in plain English. It is not my burden to bear, so why do I constantly try? As a family we have been going through some extreme challenges in these past few weeks, and unfortunately it looks like much more difficult days are ahead. This can be very distressing, but pretending for just a second that I was little Corrie how ridiculous it would be and how much extra strain it cause if I insisted on carrying that heavy briefcase.

Matthew 11:28 - 30, "Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light."

Grace for Fear

If you know me, you know that I am a very fearful person. I am not really scared of snakes, rats, spiders, or scorpions. I am not afraid of fire, water, or heights. But I am terrified of people rejecting me, and you can probably tell that from about a mile away.

It took a new laptop and knowing that no one is reading my blog right now before I would start a blog. Because perchance someone should read it and disagree or even think less of me as a person for what I have written. I know that obviously everyone has people who do not like them. Ten percent of those people might not have a real cause, but I would say ninety percent do. This is a very scary thought for me. I am what you call a "people pleaser".

Everyone admires the men and woman brave enough to stand in the rattlesnake pits at the local Rattlesnake Roundup. And most especially when after the show they pull out their bootlaces, or roll up their shirt sleeves to reveal the deep and ugly scars from previous encounters with one of the deadliest and scariest animals in Texas. Also, don't you think that those Rodeo Clowns, that bravely take the heat for the Cowboy over and over again, are awesome. They get gored and trampled over and over again, and yet somehow always stand up and shake the dust off of their chaps. I think they are not afraid.

But more seriously, what about the martyrs? Who at all ages (as young as 7 years old) and all costs gave their lives just to take a stand for Christ. They were not always killed because they wouldn't renounce their faith, sometimes they were killed just for standing firmly for a specific doctrine. It amazes me, and begs the question could I do that?

I read verses in Matthew 5 saying "Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great [is] your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." I think, "This is not me". But I know this fearful attitude in a Christian is wrong. 1st John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." So, is my fear evidence of a heart that is not willing for Christ to make it perfect with His love? As a Christian, I testify that God is real, and in fact more real than I am. I also believe, and say that I believe, that He holds the key to everlasting life and also the key to everlasting damnation. Why is my fear of man greater than my fear of God. This is irrational!

When you keep reading in Matthew 5, Jesus says that if a salt looses its flavor it isn't good for anything, but to be cast out. Well, I know that He is talking about me, and that if I lose my willingness to share, or if I fear men's opinion of me more than Gods I am that salt that lost the fear of the Lord, that lost its flavor.

So my final and most important question is: Will I find His grace when I am afraid, when I am persecuted by my fellow man? Christ offers a life and a death without fear. 1st Corinthians 15:55 "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?", John 5:24, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life." So according to the Scripture I have eternal life now, and no man can take it away from me. God will overcome in my weakness (extreme weakness), He even says that He is able to make it a strength. I think He can too, because He is very strong. We shall see. I am pretty sure time will tell. :-) You just never know, I might be round up some rattlers or take some heat for another guy in a clown suit, I might be a martyr.

One Day At A Time

Today my youngest brother taught me about Twitter and Blogspot. I thought I would try it out. Feel like I have a lot to share, but am not sure if it would be useful or even interesting. :-) Still it WILL be fun for me. So here it goes.

I am so glad my parents named me Grace. Not only is it a popular name now (oh yea!) but also it reminds me of the grace of God in my life and how desperate I am for His grace.
Today I shared the gospel with two very young Jehovah's Witness'. I was extremely disturbed in my spirit. From what I understood they claimed that Jesus is a god but not the Almighty God. They say that Jesus is the Son of God and therefore not God. This is wicked heresy, to say that Jesus is anything less than God is blasphemy. Jesus said in John 10:30 that he and God are One. Right after the Jews picked up stones and tried to stone him, why? Because He equated Himself with God. The Jews were Jehovah's Witness', they didn't believe Jesus was God either, but that is what He testified to, and that is what He said He was. Since He isn't able to lie, I can know that He is God. At first all of this questioning of God's truthfulness disturbed me into shaking and nausea, but Gods grace on my life is incomparable. With His truth He brings peace, and wicked men/women or evil lies have no part with Him. As those verses in chapter 10 of John say He will keep me because He is greater than all. He will not lose one of His sheep. This is God's grace on my life. How good it is! To God be the glory great things He has done, is doing and will do.